Santa Claus

Benjamin said, "You know that I know Santa Claus is not real, right?"
Sure, I said, but it's nice to pretend.
"Now wait a minute," Steve says, "we have evidence! We had presents under the tree that said 'from Santa'."
Benjamin said, "yes, that's because some people know how to spell Santa Claus."
For the record, I didn't tell him Santa is not real. His best friend at school has 3 older brothers.

Zoo

Stuart, we're going to go to the zoo today. "Today? Are we going to see cows?" No, we'll see elephants and monkeys and giraffes. He nodded and thought about this for a minute, and then, as if he was just checking, "Will we see dinosaurs?"

Eraser

Stuart got a rubber eraser in his Christmas Bon Bon.
He said, "I want to write something and then un race it."

Three little pigs

When we were walking to school on Wednesday, Stuart says, "Can we be three little pigs?"
OK.
"I'm the woof."
I'm the pig with the sticks.
Benjamin was an airplane at that point, but he was listening.
Stuart said, "Little pig, little pig, let me come IN!"
I said, not by the hair of my chiny-chin-chin.
Stuart said, "Then I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down," and spit on my hip.
Benjamin said, "Do it to me!"
Stuart said "Which pig are you?"
Benjamin said he was the pig with the straw.
Stuart said "OK."
"Go, Stu!" Benjamin prompted.
Stuart said, "Knock knock."

Jingle all the way

Stuart sings, "Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells all the way..."
Benjamin is trying to read here and there. He was sounding out the word red. He said:
errrr-ed
errrr-ed
errrrred
errrrred
wed!
He did the same thing with row (pronounced woah), and broke into a chorus of "Woah, whoa, whoa your boat," in which Stuart joined in with an enthusiastic, "Mehwilly, mehwilly, mehwilly, wife is but a dweam."

Pasta

I've never heard anyone use the phrase, "he crammed a piece of fettuccine in his mouth" before, but it seems appropriate here.

Jail

Steve told Stuart, as he (Steve) put him (Stuart) in his (Stuart's) car seat, I'm going to be careful not to bump your head like mommy sometimes does. Stuart said, "Yes, Mommy does that. We should put her in jail."

Ever since Benjamin's first sentence, "Good Mommy, no bump head," which he uttered in such a situation, I've been very careful, honest!

Bribe

Stuart was being fussy. He was grabbing Steve's legs and saying "Pick me up!" Steve was trying to cook. He said, in desperation, Stuart, can I bribe you? Stuart immediately let go, and said, "Yes." Steve said, what do you want? "Fishy crackers." And that was that.

Stuart's hat

Do you think he knows he's being photographed?

One day at breakfast...

Stuart, that's a big spoon.

Stuart nodded. "I have big mouth."

And then Benny said, "Look mommy! I can hop on one foot with my mouth open, holding my sock!"

And he did.

We live in a city, yes we do...

Benjamin said he wanted to be a farmer when he grows up because he wants to see a cow.

Olive

"Knock knock!"
Go to sleep, Stuart.
 "Knock knock!"
"Knock knock!"
"Mommy! Knock knock!"
Who's there?
"Olive"
Olive who?
"I love you!"
That's sweet, Stuart. Now go to sleep.
"Knock knock!"
Who's there?
"Olive"
Olive who?
"I love rocking the boat!"

Boats

What do you want to do now, Stuart? "Boats. ...after all!" I don't know how I figured out what he wanted, but I did, and we went to Disneyland and rode the boats into Small World (after all).

Gourmand

Surf's up!

Benjamin pushed his fork into a potato at dinner and held it up. He said, "Now that," dramatic pause, " is an overcooked potato." Everyone is a critic.

Before we remodeled our kitchen, the countertop was made from 4 inch tile squares. Steve broke two of these tiles at one point, trying in vain to separate two frozen sausages, by banging them on the counter.  This morning, we were at Bristol Farms, and Steve was buying sausages. "What's a banger?" Benjamin asked. A sausage. "Is that what daddy broke the counter top with? Is that why they call them bangers?" I can't imagine why we didn't think of that one ourselves, in the all grief Steve has received from me for that trick.

When we were driving home from the market, Benjamin said, "Look, there's a balloon caught in the shrubbery. Sorry, I talked Australian. I mean bush." Bring me a shrubbery or I will say Ni!

Birds

Benjamin said (I kid you not, over 20 times in a row), "Birds of a feather are stuck together." I wonder what he thinks that means?

Stuart, where are you? "In bathroom." What are you doing? "Pillow." At that, I dashed into the bathroom, to find Stuart with one of the pillows from Benjamin's bed under one arm, opening the lid to the toilet. I asked him what he was going to do with it, and he said, "On top." Well, thank goodness for that.

When I woke up this morning...

Steve says, "It's a long way to the shop if you want a sausage roll" quite often when it seems like a reasonable random saying. It's from that ACDC song, right? "It's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll!" So Benjamin hears the ACDC song on the radio and thinks it is SO funny since it sounds like the sausage roll thing.

Then a couple of days ago, the NPR guy said, "When I woke up this morning, I picked up the morning paper," and Benjamin cracks up. What's so funny? Benjamin said, "he said, 'When I woke up this morning, I picked up the morning paper!'" But what's funny about that? I never figured it out, and mentioned it to Steve later. He said, (from the Blues Brothers Movie), "When I woke up this morning, I heard a disturbing sound." I say again, Benjamin is a sponge.

Who's that knocking at the door (again)

Benjamin's making up his own knock-knock jokes now.
"Knock knock."
Who's there?
"Wuh."
Wuh who?
"Whuk out below!"

He tried it on Stuart:
"Hey, Stu!"
"Yeah?"
"Knock knock!"
"No way."

Stuart's Restaurant

I overheard Stuart playing with the cooking stuff. He was serving food and speaking both parts of the conversation.
"Want some?"
"Yes, please."
"Here you go."
"Thank you!"
"Like it?"
"Yeah!"
Pause.
"All gone."

Benny's card for Stuart

Benjamin draws people.They have a round head and legs. Here's one:

Last week, Benjamin came home from school with a birthday card for Stuart. He included a drawing of Stuart on the swings (look he's holding on!) and of himself, going down the slide.

That's a great picture, Benny. How'd you know to draw the swing like that? "I was just trying things out, and I tried that, and, yep! I sure did make a good one."

Food in your tummy

I should have saved that last picture of Stuart. It really goes with this story. Stuart was wearing a large portion of his food, and spilling peas (gleefully) over the edge of his plate. Steve said, Stuart! I do not want your food on the floor. I want it in your tummy. Stuart immediately, and obediently, lifted  his shirt, and put a pea in his bellybutton.